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Perfectly Imperfect

I am not embarrassed to admit that I am not perfect, I have flaws. I have my own quirky ways. Who doesn’t, right?

Sometimes I am hot-tempered and I can be stubborn as hell. I guess that’s why my nephews used to call me the dragon lady. My brother, on the other hand, calls me the communist coz’ I can be very hard-hearted at times. When I say no, I mean no and there’s no two ways about it! 😤

I am a thinker and I tend to over analyse stuff. But over analysing usually works in my favour coz’ the conclusions I draw from dissecting the facts are often true. However, there are times when it’s just me over thinking. 😁 

Erm, I used to be a very, very impatient person, but I’ve grown to be more patient. Gosh, you have no idea how patient I’ve become because of the situations I’ve gone through. Some might think I’ve lost my mind. But well, that’s just how I am. 😅

We always tell people to practice what they preach. I, for one can tell you I don’t always do that. I know that makes me a hypocrite, but that’s the flaw in me. Well, I’ve realised that sometimes it’s easier said than done. I mean we can tell people how things should be, but when we ourselves are in the same situations, perhaps we might also make the same mistakes. So, I’ve learned to limit my sermons. 

Umm, at times, I have a knack for detecting lies. I get annoyed especially when those lies are told by people close to me. You may think I’m clueless, but no. Sometimes I just act dumb on purpose coz’ I just don’t wanna confront you about it. I am smarter than I let on, you know. 😉

Some people say that I look fierce, a bit unapproachable. They say I’m trying to scare off my potential suitors. Ooh, really? Mayhaps. I think it’s coz’ I usually have my guard on. It’s not that I don’t trust people, I am just not used to being too friendly with people I’m not closed with. That’s why I usually try my best to hide my feelings and emotions. I’ll only really express myself if I’m comfortable with the person.

That’s another reason why I tend to keep a lot to myself. Those who I pour my guts out to can be counted on just one finger. That’s how tight lipped I can get. But I’m learning to let some of these stuff out. See, I’m even baring some of my own shortcomings here. The old me would never have done that.

Anyhoo, if I’m not happy with something, I’ll express myself. Just recently I got into a tiff with someone close for not responding to my communication. I could have let it slide, but I didn’t coz I wanted to let this person know that I was upset and so we bickered back and forth about it after I brought it to the attention of this person. I guess that’s just the way I am. The old me would have just suck it all in and keep quiet, but not the present me.

I feel if the person is important enough, I’ll trash it out. To me, it doesn’t matter whether the question asked was important or trivial, what’s important is that there is a response/ reply. I never expect an immediate reply coz’ people can be busy, but what I expect is a reply and not to be ignored. Why is that? Coz’ that’s how my brain works. If I ask a question, I expect an answer and if I don’t receive one, then I’ll go through a few stages of emotions.

Don’t mess with me!

Being me, first, I’ll worry, wondering whether the person is ok, especially if it’s a close friend coz’ I care. If I don’t care, then I wouldn’t care two hoots if there was a response. You could jump over a cliff for all I care. Next, I’ll get agitated, remember, I tend to over analyse. It really kicks in here. This will be followed by annoyance and then the horns will come out, I’ll get mad. And I really don’t like to reach this stage. When I’m pissed, I’m less nice. To that someone, if you read this by chance, don’t get angry,k. 😅 I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I just wanted you to know how I felt being on the receiving end. We are after all different and might not react in the same manner if placed in the same situation.

I used to keep everything bottled up inside, but nowadays I don’t. It’s unhealthy to suppress negative emotions, so I’ll let it out by confronting the person. It’s not like we will have a sparring match or anything. I’ll just bring it up with the person concerned so that he or she understands me further. I can’t stop how my brain functions, so a little understanding goes a long way for me.

I have many other shortcomings and I will still continue to grow and change no matter my age. I’ll never be perfect coz’ that has never been my aim. I would rather be imperfect coz’ there’s more fun in being a little devil than an angel. 😁

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Posted by on June 25, 2015 in Creative Juices, Life in Transition

 

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