Life’s Like That…

Here’s a little something I wrote last July 2017 and only realised now that I didn’t published it.

I have always made it a point to leave all my personal baggage at home when I go to work. Even if I feel down or have just experienced a bad night, all that does not matter when I am at work. When I’m at work, my focus should only be on my students and work. That’s it, nothing else. So when I have a packed day, it’s easy. Just like today with back to back classes and then off to lunch with the students, so that they can have more practice speaking in English. After that it’s back to the office to list down all the things to be discussed in the meeting I have called for later. Oops, it’s time to head up to level 25 to double check on some ETAC audit matter. Once done there, quickly head back down and discuss with the others on an upcoming CSR activity. Oh, look at the time, it’s almost 3pm. Better head back to the room, as the rest will be coming for the meeting soon. So I head back to my room. Open the door for them and make a quick dash to the toilet. I then just realised that the only private time I’ve had so far today is when I’m in the toilet. Ok, time for the scheduled meeting. There are so many things running through my head. But I tell myself to focus, hoping that everyone comes on time, so that I can finish things early and take care of other matters. But of coz’ that’s not the case. There’s always someone who will drag his feet. Well, that doesn’t matter. No time to dwell on it. Focus! And so I start off the meeting and cover all the necessary bases. Just a little bit more, I tell myself. I get agitated when people do not pay attention. But I just keep repeating to myself, “hang in there.” And then, at last, the meeting concludes. It’s the end of the day. I can now take a breather. I can finally finish that container of grapes I started eating since this morning. I can now let everything sink in. I can exhale, close my eyes a bit and let my shoulders sag down. I can finally be myself.

At the end of the day, after work when I’m all alone, I wait for someone to come, hoping I can unload a bit on him, hoping he can cheer me up a bit. But that’s not what is to be because he does not think I deserve it. He’s too into himself to see me, the weary me. He’s too eager to rush off from my side. He does not think I have the right to be vulnerable. He thinks I am made of steel. He thinks I am a robot. He thinks I cannot have a moment to myself, a moment to process. He does not think I have the right to it. He does not have the time to hear about me. He fails to realise that I too am human, made of flesh and blood. I too bleed. I too hurt. I too need a listening ear from time to time. And so because of that, I close my eyes, suck everything back in and just move along. I remind myself, even if the world comes crumbling down around me, it doesn’t matter coz’ life goes on. I too must… move along… The tears can trickle down, but that does not matter coz’ he does not care how I process my life. He makes it clear when he easily ignores my plea. I’ve gotta be strong. I’ve gotta be strong for myself. The pent-up emotions, the bursting words I am left with, words he does not want to hear. I have no choice but to scribble about to release myself, to ease the pain, to console myself. Words… Words… Words… Words, my only comfort, my faithful friend.

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Love Love Love

We are all created differently.

Some of us believe that we can love more than once in a lifetime, but some of us don’t. Some of us can fall in and out of love over and over again. Some of us, on the other hand, believe that we can like more than once, but that we can only love but once in a lifetime. If love passes us by in this lifetime, then we would have to wait to love in another lifetime for we can only have but one true love in a lifetime. And so in this lifetime when love is no more, life will go on for us. We will keep strong. We will smile, we will laugh, we will just go on living. But once in a while unbeknownst to anyone, when thoughts creep in or when we see something that triggers a memory, we will turn melancholic, we will drop our facade and our smile will turn into sadness and our laughter into tears. Just in a little quiet moment, we will let our guard down, we will let ourselves feel, to give in to our emotions, and let those salty drops of water trickle down our cheeks. For only when we are completely alone, can we show our weakness. Just for a brief moment can we close our eyes and just be our one true self.

So do not judge a person by what you see on the outside coz’ we are all build differently. We all see the world differently. We all experience the world differently. We all choose to live differently.

 

 

Pick me Up…

Have you ever had days in which you wake up and you just feel blue? You feel down and if possible you just wanna run away to a corner of the world and hide for a while. You just feel like escaping somewhere, so that you can wallow in self pity, so that you don’t have to plaster a smile on your face and look at others all bright and cheery. 

I’m sure this rarely happens, but no one can deny that they have never experienced being blue before. Hmm… Life isn’t always sunshine & rainbow, it’s not a bed of rose petals. Things don’t always go as plan. So what do you do? You adapt. You pick yourself up from whatever funk you are experiencing and move on coz’ like it or not, life goes on, baby. With or without you… Life… goes… on…

 

Looking back at 2015…

Dang… It’s the last day of 2015 and I still have a few unfinished stuff to see to. Looks like I’ll need to drag them into 2016.  😅

Alright, let’s do a little bit of reflection on 2015. Let’s see… Let’s see… Hmm… What did I learn from 2015… Hmm… 2015 taught me (in no particular order):

1. to let go no matter how much I want to hold onto something

2. to be brave to try out new things

3. to be daring to ask for more

4. to be courageous to speak out for what is right

5. to enjoy the little pleasures in life 😋

6. to keep strong coz’ I can only always depend on myself 💪

7. to indulge in my fantasies as often as I can

8. that dreams might not come true, but fantasies can 😁

9. that two wrongs can make a right

10. that Clay Aiken was right all along

11. that there’s nothing wrong with me

12. that adventures are mine to make

13. that it’s alright to be single (at times you have more fun being single)

14. that there are all sorts of men out there 👦

15. that there is no such thing as “THE ONE”, but there is “SOMEONE” 😂

16. that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining (if there isn’t, we will create one for it!)

17. that those darn white hairs will not stop sprouting no matter how many you pluck out 😜

18. that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side (at times it’s just a smoke screen)

19. that I can’t always keep things bottled up inside or else it won’t be pretty when the volcano erupts 🌋

20. that I should be selfish at times and just think about myself

21. that que sera, sera… what will be, will be… 😄

All in all, 2015 wasn’t bad. It was an eye opening year, I guess, an interesting year with new experiences. I can actually say that I ended the year on a sweet note. Got loads of things completed today. Now, praying for more good times in the coming year! 🙏

再见 2016!!

Looking back…

 

 

Fate flows like a river…

Fate is something funny. At times I wonder whether it’s God or the Devil at play. 👿 Fate and destiny… I can honestly say I have no idea where I’m headed to. I thought I knew and then things didn’t turn out as what I was hoping for. God or Whomever it is just didn’t want me to have what I wanted. 😁 My road not taken ended at a dead end. Luckily there wasn’t a cliff there for me to jump down from. It wasn’t worth it to take the plunge, anyway. My life is too precious for that. I just decided to backtrack and take another path.

As for now, I’m just cruising along this path, taking in the sights and enjoying my road trip. I have my wishes, but I do not want to make them my be all and end all. It’ll just make this journey miserable if I keep pushing them to happen. I have no idea what He wants for me. So far, the stuff he’s sending my way are a bit confusing, but enjoyable as hell. 😅 It’s que sera sera for me now. Seize the moment! Live in the moment! I am my own adventure story!! 😜

 

The Under “Privileged”….

Some of the kids these days are so pampered. You want the latest iPhone? Nah, here you go. What? Holiday in Korea with your friends? Sure, mummy and daddy will foot all your expenses. OMG! No wonder some of them don’t know the value of money. They just spend, spend, spend coz’ to them they have an endless supply of cash through their ATM machine at home. That’s bad, really bad. 😣

I guess these “privileged” kids will only know the value of hard earned money when they have no one else to depend on, but themselves. No fama… no relatives… no husband… no wife… no sugar daddy or mummy… 😁 just themselves… Everyone should learn to manage their own finances and not just spend money without a care in the world. I’m all for parents trying to do the best they can for their kids, but there’s always a limit.

You gotta mould your child to be independent and responsible as a person, and not into a child that will keep on turning to someone else to solve his or her problems, albeit being in his or her 30s, 40s or worse still 50s! 😨 Dielah like that!!

They need to learn to be self-sufficient. They need to be able to stand on their own two feet and not just from depending on you to someone else later on in life. Are we playing passing the parcel?? Please don’t shape them to be spoilt brats who will come undone at the first sight of trouble. The coddling must stop at some point. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, dear manja-manja. If you can’t handle it, then life is gonna be an uphill battle for you. Good luck!! 😅

 

 

Don’t Play Play

The first week of the new semester seems to be off to a great start. The kids seem energetic and hardworking in churning out their ideas for the projects to be carried out this semester. This is a good sign indeed! 😁

Every start of a new semester, I’ll usually meet a new batch of kids and this is what I’ll tell them. Practise using English as much as you can now. This is the time for you to brush up on your language skills. Don’t worry about making mistakes coz’ your lecturers are here to correct you. But if you keep using your mother tongue alone, how would you know you are making any mistakes? How are you going to improve your command of the language? How are you going to communicate and present in English fluently when you work? Are you gonna get someone to do it for you? A proxy?? You need to buck up now! Start correcting your attitude and stop being lackadaisical. Stop your ‘tidak apa’ attitude.

The workplace is less tolerable of mistakes made. At times, it can be real cruel and brutal if you are unlucky. You don’t really know what kinda of a boss you are gonna get. Some bosses can be as sweet as can be and some can be the devil incarnate. 😈 There’s really no room for errors. There’s no coddling. You can’t give excuses like “I’m having some personal problems and that’s why I couldn’t finish the project on time” crap. Your boss might say leave your personal problems at the doorstep. Everyone has their own problems.

Your personal life can be put on hold, but your working life, well, that’s another story. Life goes on there. If you can’t take the heat, then you better split. Time is money at work. A delay or a mistake can cause thousands or worse still millions at times. You must always be accountable for the tasks you have been assigned with. If you can’t finish them due to unforeseen circumstances, then make sure someone helps you with them or explain it to your superiors. Don’t leave them in the dark coz’ they might think you are still capable of completing them, but in actual fact, you aren’t. Don’t always expect others to sympathise with you, you need to put yourselves in their shoes too. They too have deadlines and people to answer to, not just you. When you screw up, they get screwed too. 😨 So be a little considered.

I look at my kids and they will nod and smile in understanding. In reality, I don’t really know how much of what I say goes in. Perhaps it might just go in one ear and come out the other? Mayhaps some might take heed. We always say prevention is better than cure, but for some, they just have to  learn it the hard way. I just hope that whatever they go through when they start working won’t scar them for life.